Wanted: A Word with Santa

Enough already...

It’s the hottest day of the year.
28 degrees Celsius and it's September—in Ireland.
I pop into Tesco—folks in shorts and not much else buy ice lollies and cold drinks.
Standard.
We quite happily bunk off work for 18 degrees and partly cloudy.

Then I spot him.
The greedy bastard
Yes, that’s right.
Santa crashed the joint.

It’s not enough that he’s got merch lines and licensing deals that make Disney look like a pack of amateurs.

Not enough that he’s got a one-man marketing hoopla from October to December.
Halloween and Thanksgiving never stood a chance.

Now he wants to crash the nation's barbecue?

Not acceptable.
Nope.
No can do.
Not on my watch.

What a showy fecker.
Thinking it's all about him.

Surprise!
I hate surprises.
In my world, mate, you don't show up until the Macy's Day parade has wrapped.
Until then, sling your hook.
We've got a summer to catch up on.

NOTE: The purchase of the chocolate Santa was made purely for illustrative purposes.

Of course.